what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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