I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We need to get me chipped asap
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
