Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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