No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
