you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
