I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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