dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
