I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just invented taco cereal.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
