so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
