all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
