I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
