I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
