thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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