If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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