Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
