Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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