I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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