I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
