im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
