My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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