just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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