All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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