Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize