i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
