Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
