I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
