Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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