i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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