Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
