Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
