I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
