I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
