Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
