So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
