You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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