I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
