Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
