That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
