Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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