a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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