you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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