He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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