Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
