Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
