i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
