i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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