Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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