She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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