i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
