She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
