just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
