I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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