its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
