there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
