the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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