it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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