Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
high people should be assigned attendants
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
