for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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