dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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