3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
