Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
