so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
