I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
