Don't make out with my wife yet
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
