I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
