Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
