I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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