I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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