we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
