omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
