there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
