So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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